Diets are dead in 2024 – or so we’re told. Gen Z have turned their backs on the Boomer generation’s Ryvita and cottage cheese and Gen Xrs no-carb regimes. Healthy eating, body positivity and Ozempic have combined to put the dieting industry on notice and we can all breathe a sigh of relief.
But let’s not be too hasty to congratulate ourselves because – to paraphrase the late James Goldsmith – when you get over one competitive anxiety you create a vacancy, and dieting is essentially competitive. You wouldn’t bother if you were marooned alone on a desert island after all. Comparing yourself to others who are slimmer is at the root of all dieting – mental health issues aside – and comparing ourselves to others seems to be in women’s DNA.
So, if we’re let off the hook size-wise, we’ll simply find something new that we think we’re failing at in comparison to our peers. I grew out of dieting years ago but I’ve developed eight brand-new competitive anxieties – all of them pretty standard for a female late Boomer. You may recognise some of them…
Feeling under pressure to be fit, if not thin
There’s almost a moral element to this as you get older. Not running or lifting weights or doing something serious in the exercise department – walking the dog does not count – is considered to be irresponsible; a bit like being too hungover to look after your children. What are you thinking, not doing regular squats? How can you not stand on one leg when you’re cleaning your teeth when you know you need to stay strong for what lies ahead? Fit is the new thin.
Having children who ‘turned out well’
I’m a stepmother so I can always blame the genes but I’m aware that there is a how-did-they-turn-out barometer and healthy, happily paired-up and employed scores the most points. If your child has joined a sect you’re in the low scoring pity pool and no-one wants to be there.
Having the nicer or as-nice house
Mad, but women mind about this stuff. We’re aware that when we go to the Whatsits’ house it looks like it’s been dressed by Mr and Mrs Smith and we feel outdone. Peonies in a green glass jug: why didn’t I think of that?
Being good for your age
Always maintained that those of us who were not knock outs in our 20s get a second crack in midlife and might even overtake the now ravaged beauties of our youth. It’s the second-wave competition and everyone wants to be a recognised GFYA.
Still being into each other
Could have said: still being happily married/together, but the competition is subtler than that. You don’t score points for having a long standing, frictionless relationship: you want to be the ones who still light up in each other’s company.
Being the most reliable
This is the age when you can be hurt to the quick by a friend asking your other friend to look after their dog when you live closer and have a similar dog. Back in the day there were glimmers of reliability competition: who’s organising the hen night? Who did she ring first in the crisis? Who are the godmothers? Now, you really want to be the chosen first responder.
Being able to grow stuff
Again, slightly different from keeping a respectable garden. Don’t actually want to do it but if others who are busier than us are on their hands and knees nurturing dahlias and lettuce then you can’t help feeling you must join in too.
Having an enviable work/life balance
We used to get points for rushing into the bar hair standing on end having given a mic’d-up presentation. Now the game is demonstrating a rich and varied life full of pottery classes, painting classes and diverse friends.
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