Hear that plaintive screech on the wind? That’s me on my teeny-weeny violin playing a lament for all the parents who will have to yank their offspring out of private schools, due to Sir Kier Starmer’s class war. I’m talking, of course, about Labour’s decision to stop tax breaks on private education, meaning VAT will now be levied on fees and some people will have to send sprogs to Bash Street Comp with all the great unwashed. Farewell cadets, small classes, fencing and Mandarin; so long meditation and sea bream for lunch! 

But that’s not what anyone’s paying for, of course, whatever they claim. Nope, they are forking out up to £50k a year to jet-propel their offspring over the heads of contemporaries in life’s queue and get them thigh to thigh with the ruling classes. They look at Carole Middleton, the former air hostess whose daughter married the Prince of Wales – by way of Marlborough College – and they think, “I, too, could be mum to a princess!” 

I freely admit I am borderline deranged on this topic, but I’ve long felt there’s no area where the great British taste for both oneupmanship and hypocrisy flourishes more flagrantly than within the state school divide.

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