Researchers have found that adult friendships are often maintained through “friendship snacks”.
With busy schedules often making it harder to spend quality time with friends as an adult, sending quick how-are-you texts, adorable animal videos, or memes can be a simple way for friends to maintain their relationships. Even if these interactions tend to ultimately be unsatisfying, they’re not meant to meet the complete needs of a friendship, and instead act as a stopgap for when plans will ultimately be made for a call or hangout.
Assistant professor Natalie Pennington - who studies communication studies at Colorado State University in Fort Collins, specifically how we connect with our friends - explained to the Wall Street Journal that these bite-size social interactions can nourish our friendships.
“A healthy friendship snack is nourishing,” Pennington noted. “It’s fruit and veggies, not potato chips.”
However, research indicates that a “friendship snack” cannot organically lead to a stronger friendship, with at least 200 hours together being necessary to turn an acquaintance into a close friend. Deeper interactions can reportedly accelerate the closeness of a friendship as well.
The key to these “friendship snacks” is the emotional resonance of the interactions. Experts recommend doing away with simply texting and opting for a quick phone call or leaving a voice memo.
“Hearing a friend’s voice is good for us,” Pennington said, noting that chatting allows for opportunities for humour, giving friends a chance to reference inside jokes and memories without the stilted barriers of texting.
“When you make a friend laugh, you’re giving them a gift,” Stanford University behavioural scientist Jennifer Aaker explained. “The idea is to tap in to what brings you both joy.”
That’s not to say that texting can’t be a good way to maintain friendships. Pennington explained to the outlet that it’s an example of what psychologists refer to as “mundane maintenance,” in which people routinely check in on their friends through different avenues including - but not limited to - texting, emailing, and calling.
Sending a friend a picture of something that reminds you of them or sharing memes that are guaranteed to make them laugh can be simple ways of maintaining the friendship. It’s the thought that truly counts.
“These are small gestures between people, that say, ‘I see you; you mean something to me,’” relationship counselor Louise Tyler noted to Stylist. “In the past, these gestures could be compliments or small thoughtful gifts, but nowadays sending a text message or meme has the same effect.”
She added: “It’s about small moments of vital human connection that come with a shot of oxytocin, the bonding or ‘love hormone’.”
What that looks like varies from friendship to friendship. Some dynamics can subsist on intermittent memes, while others may require interactions that require more emotional resonance, like texting each other three things that you both are grateful for or good things that happened that day.
Memes in particular can be a low-effort way to show a friend that you’re thinking of them. In fact, in some ways, they are considered a love language within some friendship dynamics.
In an increasingly disconnected social landscape, these forms of “friendship snacks” can provide the quick spurts of connection that we need - even if it isn’t completely satiating, they’re necessary to maintain a friendship in the long term.
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