Dear Richard,
An old friend is celebrating her 80th in a nearby restaurant in early summer and has handed the practicalities to her daughter. Yesterday she telephoned me with a small bombshell – the daughter is insisting on family only, saying this is on the grounds of cost. My friend talks of some of her family with evident love, but there are many in the wider circle to whom she is cordially indifferent.
While obviously I am piqued at the prospect of not being able to celebrate with my friend, I am more concerned that the proposal flies in the face of her own wishes. When I raised the matter during our telephone call she admitted as much. But she is also grateful to her daughter for taking this on and for everything else she does for her. Nevertheless I do feel that her wishes might carry a little more weight.
I scarcely know the daughter but might there be some way that my friend could persuade her to reconsider?
— Nancy, via email
Dear Nancy,
This is in essence a family affair. You are not part of the family, so you are outside the magic circle. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Your friend may be disappointed that non-family won’t be invited, but it’s clearly not a deal-breaker for her. She is grateful to her daughter for taking on the organisation and is prepared for her to do so as she thinks fit.
But none of this means that you are without influence or relevance. D’you know what I’d do? I’d organise a second celebration – this one for friends, either before or after the family party. It might be a smaller event, but it’ll be easy to organise: ring around, muster up a guest list, book a restaurant, make it happen.
I think your friend will be touched and hugely grateful. Because she’ll be getting the best of both worlds for her 80th – a family shindig, and a friends’ knees-up. What’s not to like about that?
You can find more of Richard Madeley’s advice here or submit your own dilemma below.
Disclaimer: The copyright of this article belongs to the original author. Reposting this article is solely for the purpose of information dissemination and does not constitute any investment advice. If there is any infringement, please contact us immediately. We will make corrections or deletions as necessary. Thank you.
