A couple online have entered an impossible conflict that was prompted by an impossible question.
A post to Reddit's "Am I The A******?" forum six days ago has gone viral after a man wrote how his wife became upset after asking him whether he would save her or their children, if faced with a hypothetical dilemma. The original poster told his wife he would save her.
Since the post was published, it has received more than 14,000 upvotes and over 7,000 comments. Beverly Hills psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman told Newsweek about how the poster could move forward and validate his love for his family.
"My wife asked me if I would have chosen her or our children to save. I said her. She went absolutely ballistic," the poster wrote.
"Both mid-40. Married for 20 years. Children are 19 and 20. And she asked me this hypothetical question after I insisted that I love her more than anything and anyone," the man wrote.
"If we were on a boat and you could save only me or the children?" his wife asked.
After the poster admitted he would save her, his wife said she would save the children. Now, she is upset, he wrote, and his daughter is "even madder."
In the comments, Reddit users quickly pointed the question out as moot.
"One of those questions where 'no answer in the best answer,'" u/ketchupandcheeseonly wrote.
"Dude, with any question like this, you're supposed to keep asking about and dissecting the hypothetical situation until she gives up on her 'no win' scenario," u/SkeleTourGuide wrote. "'Why can I only save you or them? Is there a problem with the boat? Are we starving? Why is it you versus them'... And if all else fails, you say you'd sacrifice yourself (to stop having to answer hypothetical questions)."
'Fallacy of the False Question'
Psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman told Newsweek that, indeed, there is no "right way" to answer the wife's question.
"It's a trick question," she said. "It's called the 'fallacy of the false question.'"
Lieberman added that, for the poster to move through his wife and daughter's upset, he can say to them that, instead of loving his wife or children more, the question illuminates the fact that there are different kinds of love.
"You love your wife in a romantic, soul-mate way, and you love your children in a fatherly, protective way," Lieberman said. "So, the two kinds of love can't be compared."
To follow up on this thought, she added that the poster should let each family member pick a place where the family can celebrate their particular type of love—like a restaurant, or a live music concert.
"Next, the whole family will go to these places, to acknowledge each person's choice, and to celebrate the love you have for one another," Lieberman said.
Newsweek reached out to u/FatherOfTheYear-Duh for comment via Reddit.
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