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Louise Thomas
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A bridesmaid has been defended online for not wanting to perform at her ex-friend’s wedding reception after she was kicked out of the bridal party.
In Reddit’s confession forum, Am I The A**hole, the woman aired her grievances and asked her internet readers whether they thought she was justified in not wanting to follow through with her promised performance.
Originally, the Reddit user was supposed to be a bridesmaid and the entertainment at her best friend’s wedding. Being asked to be a part of the bridal party was no surprise seeing that she’d known her friend for 10 years. However, the Redditor was at a loss for what to get the bride and groom as a wedding gift.
“When planning the wedding I asked if they would prefer a traditional wedding gift, or would they want some assistance with the wedding,” she explained. “I am a singer at a wedding band, and we have performed for free for friends and family before and we offered to play a set in exchange for food.”
According to the original poster, her friend was “very excited” by the prospect of her band playing. But her mood quickly changed after the engagement party.
The Reddit user admitted: “At the engagement party, I got into a huge fight with the fiancé. To the point in which my friend kicked me out of the wedding party. And later the entire wedding.”
Though her exile from the bridal party wasn’t what she expected when her friend told her she was getting married, the Reddit writer was relieved to be excused from the ceremony. She thought she would also be banned from the reception but that didn’t turn out to be the case.
Because she was no longer welcome, the Reddit user assumed she no longer had to give the happy couple a gift. Her former friend didn’t see things that way.
“My former friend (her words) insisted that since they had ‘booked’ us, we are required to perform at her wedding,” the original poster explained. “For free. I told her that we only perform for free for friends and family, and even they pay for accommodation and travel as well as provide us with food at the event.”
Now that she and the bride are no longer friends, the Redditor said her band must be paid their “standard fee” if she wants them to perform.
The Redditor admitted: “Since that she has bad-mouthed us to all our mutual friends. They think that in order to keep the peace, we should just do it, as we had promised.”
Wondering if her perception of the situation is wrong, the Reddit user asked her anonymous readers for their impressions, and the majority confessed their support.
“You’re absolutely justified in not wanting to perform at the wedding for free, especially after being kicked out of the wedding party and the entire event,” one reader argued. “Your offer to perform was based on the premise that you were friends, but now that the relationship has clearly changed, there’s no reason to provide your professional services for free.”
Another agreed: “If she no longer considers you a friend, she can’t expect free services. Your mutual friends should understand that professional boundaries exist for a reason. You’re right to charge your standard fee.”
One person said: “I mean you’re not supposed to be at the event at all.”
“Don’t do it! You help friends and family - she is neither of those. There is no contract so tough s*** for her,” another Redditor remarked.
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