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Eric Garcia
Washington Bureau Chief
Chappell Roan has said she has been diagnosed with severe depression in the midst of dealing with new-found fame.
The 26-year-old “Pink Pony Club” musician, who has soared to international fame in recent months with her debut album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess, has openly spoken about witnessing her life completely change due to the perils of being in the public eye.
In August, the singer hinted she had been left uncomfortable by fandom culture, and called out invasive fan behaviour in a statement: “Please stop touching me. Please stop being weird to my family and friends. Please stop assuming things about me.”
Speaking to The Guardian in a new interview, Missouri-born Roan, real name Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, said she was coping “how anyone would”.
“I’m in therapy twice a week. I went to a psychiatrist last week because I was like, I don’t know what’s going on. She diagnosed me with severe depression – which I didn’t think I had because I’m not actually sad,” she explained.
“But I have every symptom of someone who’s severely depressed,” she said, pointing towards symptoms of brain fog, poor focus and “a very lacklustre viewpoint”.
Roan explained that she thinks her mental health has been impacted because her “whole life has changed”.
“Everything that I really love to do now comes with baggage,” she said. “If I want to go thrifting, I have to book security and prepare myself that this is not going to be normal. Going to the park, pilates, yoga – how do I do this in a safe way where I’m not going to be stalked or harassed?”
However, Roan’s promotion of boundaries around her fans – like telling them not to touch her or harass her – has seen her being deemed “ungrateful” for what she has.
“They think I’m complaining about my success. I’m complaining about being abused,” she said.
The musician went viral earlier this month on the VMAs red carpet when she retaliated at a photographer who was shouting at her, replying: “No, you shut the fuck up.”
“I’m very turned off by the celebrity of it all,” said Roan. “Some girls have been in this so long that they’re used to that, but I’m not that girl. I’m not gonna be a sweetie pie to a man who’s telling me to shut the f*** up.”
Roan added that she was warned by people in the music industry that fame feels like “going through puberty again”.
She continued: “My body does feel different. It’s holding tension in a very different way: I have all these new emotions and I’m really confused. It’s how it felt to be 12. I look at [Lady] Gaga and even Sabrina [Carpenter] and Lana [Del Rey] – when I see them going out in public, I can’t even imagine how much they’ve had to prepare for that.”
In another frank moment, Roan admitted that she sometimes feels an overwhelming sense of grief, and starts sobbing whenever she comes home and walks through her front door.
“It just comes out of me,” she said. “I can’t even help it, I just start sobbing and either being so angry at myself for choosing this path, or grieving how the curiosity and pure wonder I had about the world is somewhat taken away from me.”
Roan also reflected on growing up repressing her sexuality with bipolar II disorder aged 12.
“I was very mentally ill – suicidal for years – and not medicated, because that’s just not a part of midwest culture,” she said of her teens. “It’s not: ‘Maybe we should get you a psychiatrist.’ It’s: ‘You need God. You need to pray about that.”
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch. If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
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