Parallel relationships are an increasingly recognized phenomenon but how can you tell when you are in one? Is you and your partner's day a consistent grind of getting the kids to school, cooking meals and catching up on work?
The weekends roll around and your partner is off to play golf, while you're meeting a friend, further dividing your time?
You may be functioning well as a team by managing your home and careers, but there's little room for emotional connection, experiences you can do together or intimacy.
This tag-team 'parallel partnership' dynamic, where partners function side by side but rarely intersect emotionally or intimately, is something that parents may know all too well.
Licensed mental health counselor Rachel Marmor, LMHC told Newsweek that this dynamic can sneak up on couples, especially when the demands of parenting, work life and running a home are in the mix. The focus, she said, shifts to getting things done, and without realizing it, the relationship can become purely functional.
"Every couple needs to figure out how to keep the family going but when the connection between partners is limited to logistics, as if 'Who's picking up the kids?' or, 'Did you pay the bills?', the deeper emotional and physical intimacy starts to fade," Marmor said.
While you may know what's going on with the kids, you may not know what your partner is truly thinking or feeling, creating a lack of emotional connection.
The relationship can feel as if two people are living in parallel lanes, rather than intersecting paths where they support and nourish one another emotionally, she added. Physical intimacy may also become rare, as partners focus more on their to-do lists than each other.
Kate Engler, LMFT, CST explained that being so separate can become the norm for couples, particularly parents, making it a hard habit to break.
"It appears fair because things are split up between people, but in mixed-gender marriages, the woman is almost always holding more of the load," Engler told Newsweek.
This imbalance—and a sense of powerlessness to change it—leads people to parallel partnership, she added.
Luckily, partners can shift from parallel paths to a more connected and fulfilling relationship, perhaps before children were born. Both Engler and Marmor agree that carving out time for one another can make a big difference.
Another key strategy is shifting from tasks to touch. "Whether it's a warm hug, a kind word, or a genuine question about how your partner is feeling, these gestures rebuild intimacy," Marmor told Newsweek.
Engler also highlighted the importance of individualism in relationships, where both partners maintain their sense of self while staying emotionally connected.
"The happiest couples I see are highly differentiated, whole people who see their relationships as a 'value add' to their life, not the defining factor," she said.
To achieve this balance, couples need to be intentional about how they divide responsibilities and make space for emotional intimacy.
"This means sitting down and really mapping all of this out. It means being able to have potentially difficult conversations in which both partners articulate their needs/wants/desires to the other, and their partner can tolerate it," Engler said.
If you recognize the signs of a parallel partnership in your relationship, it's not too late to build intimacy and reconnect. Marmor said that it's not just about doing things together but being with each other emotionally and physically.
"When we can nurture both aspects, we move from parallel paths to intertwined ones, where both partners feel seen, valued, and deeply connected. Relationships are not just about survival—they're about thriving together, growing together, and continuing to discover each other every day," she said.
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