Whether you're in the early months of dating, or married for 20 years, it can be hard to know where you stand romantically. But there are five different stages every couple should lookout for, says a relationship coach who shared his insights with Newsweek.
And people are amazed by the accuracy of his analysis.
As a relationship coach, Kevin Pasco, 31, from Vancouver, Canada, shares his tips on social media to help people move beyond what's holding them back. The reaction to this theory has been overwhelmingly positive, and a clip has already gained over 10.4 million views and 988,300 likes on TikTok.
In one viral TikTok video (@kevinxpasco) he outlines the five stages, starting with the honeymoon phase. Phase two is the power struggle, followed by adaptation and acceptance, commitment is the fourth, and lastly, the feeling of oneness.
It's easy to assume these stages in a relationship will happen naturally, but Pasco, tells Newsweek that "most couples don't even make it to stage 3" because they can't overcome stage 2.
Ultimately, if couples can't move past the bickering and conflicts, he says they will "get caught in a cycle" of ending relationships there or staying stuck in a not-so-happy stage 2 relationship forever.
Pasco told Newsweek: "I always say awareness is the first step. You must clearly see which stage you're in, accept the problems that will come, and be open to change in order to move forward.
"Most couples either stay in stage 2 forever (think of the old couple who bicker and fight), or they break up and find someone new to go back to stage 1 with. You want someone who is aware that making it to stage 3 takes work and is willing to open themselves up."
Pasco suggests that the likelihood of making it to stage 5 is dramatically increased if a couple can get through stage 3. But progress certainly doesn't come without its ups and downs, and communication is vital in every stage.
The theory wasn't created by Pasco himself, but he's drawn knowledge from a wide array of media, including books, research, and interviews, and from therapists.
The idea is similar to Dr. Susan Campbell's theory of the 5 stages of a relationship, in which she studied hundreds of couples to draw her conclusions. She suggested that the five stages were: the romance stage; the power struggle stage; the stability stage; the commitment stage; the bliss stage.
'People Are Looking For A Quick Fix'
Many experts agree that a relationship comprises several stages, including Nicole Moore, a relationship coach. She told Newsweek that the reason many people fail to reach the later phases is because they're "not willing to do the deep, inner work" that's required to overcome any obstacles.
For those who do make it through, Moore says that stages 4 and 5 can still be exciting and safe, but both parties must communicate and leave their insecurities behind.
"Sadly, many people are looking for a quick fix and want to avoid doing the work for truly great love. If you want to get to the deeper stages of a relationship, it's essential that you choose someone who is open to growth," Moore told Newsweek.
"Those people are rare, but they do exist, so if you want stage 5 love, don't give up. Do the inner work to heal and find someone who has the emotional depth to not run at the first sign of conflict."
How Did Social Media React?
Pasco has been thrilled by the response to his video, as many people were shocked by just how accurate and relatable the stages are. He hopes this will help other men open up to loved ones and become better partners with a stronger type of love.
He continued: "There are thousands of comments from people as young as 16, and as old as their late 60s, which is amazing. The reaction tells me that people really care about learning how to get better at relationships.
"There is a stigma against men getting help in this area, and it's something many men silently desire but are too afraid to ask for. I want every man to know that it's OK to reach out for help."
With over 6,800 comments on the TikTok video so far, many people thanked Pasco for sharing his knowledge, while others shared their personal experiences.
One comment reads: "I'm in the honeymoon phase, so scared to go to phase 2."
Another person wrote: "This only works with healthy relationships. He not talking about the toxic relationships."
While another TikTok user responded: "this was a wonderful insight. making it through phase 2 made me love and appreciate my partner more than ever."
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