Queen Camilla recently joked that the King would be recovering if he “behaved,” a sentiment likely to strike a chord with relatives across the land who are supporting someone, not just through cancer, but any kind of illness.
As a doctor working in cancer, treating patients is just one part of the role. Families and friends often join the appointments asking how best they can support their loved one.
I always remind relatives that their own emotions are also valid, too. Often there’s a pressure to stay strong, when inside they too are struggling. They’re desperate to support the sick person while dealing with their own fears and anxieties. So I fully understand how frustrating it may feel if you believe your loved one is not approaching getting well with the “right” attitude.
At a time when everything seems out of your control, however, remember there are practical things patients can do to help themselves, as well as things you can do to support them through their journey.
Offer to take them to hospital appointments
If it’s at all practical (with work and other caring responsibilities), offer to be there with them to meet doctors. Appointments can be overwhelming, with a constant stream of tests, new faces and information, and patients often don’t remember all the important points. As well as offering moral support, you can write notes and ask questions with a clearer head. Investigations like scans, with their bleeping machines, can be frightening. Having someone to chat to and have a coffee with in the waiting room can make it less daunting.
Share the burden of taking pills
Help them take their medications on time as it can be confusing – and timing makes a difference. Often, treatment plans include different medications, either as treatments in themselves, or to minimise the side effects. Different medications are metabolised by the body differently, which means some need to be taken with food to improve the absorption of the drug, whereas others should be taken before food. Different kinds can interact with each other and reduce their efficacy, or cause preventable side effects, and so if there is a recommended order or time period to take them, try and stick to them.
The same goes with over the counter medications and supplements. It’s helpful to chat to the pharmacist to make a plan and keep a diary. Having someone to help keep track with this timeline, either on a sheet of paper or phone app can be really helpful. Dosette boxes (labelled with days and times) and setting daily alarms are useful too.
Encourage them to keep up with healthy habits
Avoid the trap of thinking because a cancer has already developed, there’s no point in doing all the healthy things we normally associate with warding it off. Thinking “it’s too late” is a misconception. Getting into the best physical shape possible will help cope with treatment side effects and can improve outcomes. It’s always great when my patients tell me that they are still managing to walk their dog or keep up with their exercise class as it’s great for their body and also coping mentally with the stress of going through cancer treatment. Other important considerations are stopping smoking (it’s never too late), reducing or stopping alcohol consumption (especially as some medications can affect the liver), regularly exercising and eating nutritious foods should all be heartily encouraged.
Help them keep moving in a way that they enjoy
Whether that be walking the dog, keeping up with gardening, or even going to the gym. Of course rest is important, but lying in bed all day feeling defeated isn’t ideal, particularly if they were active before the diagnosis. Encourage physical activity, however gentle. Of course some people’s cancer will be more advanced than others, and for some patients their physical activity might look like getting up out of the chair a few times an hour to keep the leg muscles strong. This still counts!
Studies have shown that those who keep active during cancer treatment do better from the treatment, and tolerate the side effects better. Movement has also been shown to reduce pain and improve mood. But do bear in mind it’s possible they may feel more fatigued than before. So take rest breaks and don’t overdo it. Even if you can’t manage the same distance walking without stopping for a rest, it will still be helping keep you strong and is better than no movement at all, so try to avoid feeling frustrated.
Make them the right foods to eat
Nutrition for cancer patients is complex, ideally everyone would have access to a specialised cancer dietician for personalised advice but in reality, this often isn’t the case. As a rule of thumb, a healthy diet rich in nutritious foods and lots of plants is encouraged. If their appetite is affected, eating little and often can be helpful, rather than feeling outfaced by a large, rich meal. Cancer increases metabolism, which is why people often present with weight loss, and so now is the time to remember food is fuel to keep strong, preserve muscle mass and body reserve and sometimes that means eating a bit of what you fancy. Now is not the time to embark on any diets claiming to be the cure which will likely put your body under further stress and risk losing weight.
Fight the doom
When diagnosed with cancer or chronic diseases, it can sometimes feel all-consuming with all the hospital appointments, investigations and treatment dates. It’s easy to let the diagnosis take over your life. Wherever possible, it’s important to keep up with enjoyable things that make you feel more positive to act as a distraction. Whether it’s continuing a sport, hobby or just socialising with friends and family. All can help the person get out of their own heads for a bit. I once had a patient who was feeling down because her hospital appointments clashed with her exercise class, meaning she was missing out on her exercise and weekly social outing. If she hadn’t shared with me how important this was to her, I wouldn’t have been able to move the appointment to another day.
Ask for help
Ask for help for yourself and not just the relative who’s unwell. Whilst we all know someone who’s been through this before, it’s likely yours and your relatives first time experiencing this and no one is expecting you to go through it alone. There is support available for patients and families dealing with cancer and illness issues, and talking about concerns is always more helpful than bottling them up or having them go round and round in your head. Please do ask your cancer care team for more information on this.
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