A woman has sparked a discussion online about a common question that seemingly only mothers are asked.
Katie Wolf, 37, from Charleston, South Carolina, recently recorded herself sitting in her car while recounting a telling interaction she had at a grocery store. She describes how a woman noticed baby items in her cart and started asking her questions about her seven-month-old daughter.
"It happened today, I got the question that every woman gets when they're out in public without their child," Wolf said in the video. The conversation between the two women took a turn when the other asked, "Where is she right now? Who's watching her?" Wolf explained that her daughter was at home with her father, to which the woman responded with praise, saying, "That's so sweet."
This seemingly innocent interaction struck a chord with the book editor, prompting her to reflect on the broader implications of such questions. "I realized that my husband wouldn't even get asked where the baby is," she told Newsweek. "Before I had kids, I didn't think this was a big deal. It's just a simple question, right? But asking moms who's 'watching' their child places the burden of being the default parent on women. And it implies that dads 'watch' their kids as a favor to moms."
So far, the video has over 44,000 views and more than 1,200 likes. Wolf explained her motivation for sharing the video.
"I was inspired to share the video because I know how common this experience is for moms as I've heard many stories from others. So I knew it was only a matter of time before someone asked me this question. And I think having a discussion about gender norms, expectations for moms vs. dads, and the role of a default parent is always important," she said.
A study by the Pew Research Center from June 2023 shows that while fathers are more involved in childrearing than in previous decades, mothers still spend more time on caregiving and educational activities. Fathers with children under 18 spend, on average, about 1.02 hours per day on caregiving activities, including playing and physical care. In comparison, mothers spend significantly more time on these tasks.
Wolf told Newsweek: "It's a small question that reflects a larger issue in our society, and I feel a sense of frustration at how deeply ingrained these norms are.
"I'd love to get to a place as a society where both parents have an equal role in raising children—and that it becomes reflected in the language we use."
By sharing her experience, Wolf hopes to bring awareness to the subtle, yet significant ways language can reinforce outdated expectations and contribute to the ongoing dialogue about achieving true equality in parenting responsibilities.
At the time of writing, the video has over 50 comments, many from women sharing their experiences.
One user said: "My husband gets so upset when moms say the dad is 'babysitting,' he's like '....but that's their own kid?"
Another wrote: "It's because men are not seen as caregivers that's why dads who are out with their baby will get comments like "oh you're baby sitting today?"
A third commenter said: "[Yo]ur husband would get applauded for "being such a great father" for picking up diapers or [something]."
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