The internet has backed a woman who chose not to help with her "close" sister's baby shower after her sister failed to attend her wedding.
A Reddit user (u/throwrasiste) sought advice on whether she should assist her sister with the baby shower despite unresolved hurt from her wedding. The post quickly gained attention, receiving 5,800 upvotes and 1,200 comments.
The woman, 29, said that her sister, 27, who was supposed to be her maid of honor, did not show up to her wedding without saying a word, later attributing her absence to an anxiety attack.
"She never showed up. No call, no text, nothing. I was devastated, but I tried to focus on the day and not let it ruin things," the woman wrote. "Later, she explained that she had a panic attack and couldn't handle the pressure. I understood and tried to be supportive, but it still hurt that she didn't even try to let me know."
Now, with her sister facing financial difficulties and requesting help with her baby shower, the woman felt conflicted. She declined her sister's request, explaining that she was not in a position to offer support at the moment.
"[My sister] got really upset, saying that I'm being selfish and holding a grudge," the Redditor wrote. "Now, my family is divided. Some say I should let it go and support her, while others think it's fair for me to be upset. So, AITA for refusing to help her?"
Experts Weigh in on the Dilemma
Seth Eisenberg, CEO of the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS) Foundation, offered his perspective on the situation to Newsweek.
He emphasized the importance of acknowledging and processing unresolved feelings to avoid further misunderstandings and distance.
Eisenberg suggested that the woman initiate a conversation that allows both sisters to express their feelings without judgment, saying, "When you didn't come to my wedding, I felt really hurt and confused. I understand you had a panic attack, but it was difficult for me to not hear from you at all."
He also highlighted the need for setting clear boundaries while maintaining open communication, advising the woman to express her limitations with care but remain open to the possibility of reconnection.
Family and relationship therapist Becky Whetstone provided a more critical view, describing the situation as one where the sisters were acting like "bratty 5-year-olds."
Whetstone acknowledged that the sister's absence from the wedding was a significant mistake but also pointed out that anyone who has experienced a severe panic attack would understand the difficulty in reaching out during such a crisis.
"The two sisters' conditional relationship is harming them and could end up in an eternal tit-for-tat that has no end," Whetstone told Newsweek.
"Now the bridesmaid is pregnant and needs help, and the bride is teaching her a lesson. Good grief. Treating anyone like a naughty child is never OK, and nothing good will come from it.
"In the end, this escalating situation could have been stopped by the bride's sister, but instead, she approached it with self-righteous indignation. Two wrongs don't make a right, and all of it was unnecessary."
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community largely supported the woman's decision, with many users expressing that she was not in the wrong for refusing to help her sister.
"You're wholly entitled to being pissed off. Siblings often forget they need to uphold their end of being there when they need you to be there," one user commented. Another wrote, "I'm sorry, panic attack or not, who doesn't turn up or even let the bride know they're not going to turn up at a wedding of a sibling?"
Many users felt that the sister's failure to communicate on the wedding day was inexcusable and that the woman was justified in her actions.
What Happened Next
The woman posted an update on how she handled the situation after receiving a large response on Reddit.
She decided to confront her sister directly about her absence from the wedding and expressed how deeply hurt and disappointed she was by the lack of communication. However, the sister remained defensive, focusing on her panic attack as a sufficient explanation and accusing the woman of being unreasonable for holding onto her feelings.
The sister also shifted the conversation to her current struggles, including her pregnancy and financial difficulties. She asked for help with her baby shower and financial support, but when the woman declined, she was accused of being unsupportive and selfish.
"In summary, I've decided to stand by my decision not to help with the baby shower or provide financial assistance," she concluded. "My sister's lack of genuine acknowledgment of her past actions and her tendency to deflect blame have solidified my choice. My family remains divided, with some members feeling I should be more supportive and others understanding my need to protect my emotional well-being."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwrasiste for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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