There are countless litmus tests for knowing if someone is "the one," but one woman's mother is bringing some gravity to the conversation.
A video posted to TikTok by Madison Messer has gone viral for a clip of her mother's most profound relationship advice: marry the person who will care for you in your biggest moments of grief. Since the video was posted, it has received 1.3 million likes.
Messer, 33, spoke to Newsweek about where the advice came from and why she has always trusted her mom to guide her through life.
"My mom's advice to all my girls at girls' night," Messer captioned the video. "An important message."
In the video, Messer's mother advised: "The person you marry, you need to know with all your heart, will take you through the death of your mother and the death of your father...When I married my husband, I knew that, and we talked about it, and he knew how hard it would be for me...he knew what his job was."
Messer said that the advice was prompted by one of her friends who was having a difficult time in her relationship and debating whether to stay with or leave her partner. Messer's mother, who visits her weekly, was there for the girls' wine night.
"My house has always been the spot where my friends gather," Messer said. "I look to my mom for advice on most everything and have seen over my life that she's usually spot on. She's the safe haven for tons of not only my friends, but her own friends are always coming to her for guidance as well. She's such a special person."
'Watching them set a standard'
In terms of the advice Messer's mother gave, Messer said she has seen it play out in front of her eyes: her father did, in fact, help her mom through the death of both of her parents.
"I have been so lucky to watch my parents, married for 43 years, show me a healthy relationship," she said. "My mom was incredibly close with her parents. When her dad suddenly got sick, my dad took control of everything. He took everything he could off her full plate and was simply there when she needed him."
Messer said she has found inspiration in her parents to wait for the right person for her—one that will carry her through her most challenging moments.
"Growing up watching them set a standard for me. I know I want someone who will be my rock," she said. "That's part of why I'm unmarried at 33. I'm taking full caution and time when picking my life partner."
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