Does "the one that got away" have a say in your marriage years down the line?
A Reddit post detailing a woman's discovery that her husband went on a date with his ex-girlfriend days before their wedding has gone viral, receiving 15,000 upvotes and sparking sympathy from Redditors.
The poster, /u/GreenFar5824, shared that three years into her marriage, she found out that her husband had met with his ex to "make sure" he wanted to go through with the wedding. Newsweek has contacted /u/GreenFar5824 for comment via Reddit.
Seth Eisenberg, the president and CEO of the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS) Foundation, told Newsweek how the couple could move forward.
In the post, the Redditor said she learned about the date from her mother-in-law, who was visiting the couple and their new baby.
"His mom told me gleefully when she visited our new baby and she looked at my daughter and said she wondered what would have happened if he changed his mind after that date and she was visiting their baby now," the poster wrote.
The poster said her husband, who was present during the interaction, confirmed that his mother's claim was true, but that he "told his mom to shut up."
The post quickly gained traction, with thousands of Reddit users expressing support for the original poster. They also expressed outrage over the husband's actions and the mother-in-law's apparent delight in stirring the pot.
"Imagine waiting three years on information just so you can tell a new mother that you wish the baby wasn't hers. Disgusting," one user wrote.
"OP has every right to set a firm boundary to keep that evil away from herself and the baby," another added. "I'm not advocating for divorce over this but advocating for firm boundaries. That MIL is e.v.i.l."
In the post, the Redditor said she couldn't bring herself to speak to her husband since the event happened.
'Eventually, Communication Will Be Necessary'
Eisenberg highlighted the various dynamics at play and validated the Redditor's experience.
"This situation is like a mirror reflecting the deeper layers of trust, boundaries and family dynamics in a marriage," he said. "It's clear that the woman is in a place of deep hurt and confusion, and I want to acknowledge that these feelings are entirely valid."
Eisenberg also said that the role of the mother-in-law cannot be overlooked. He said her "gleeful" delivery of the information could suggest unresolved issues of her own.
As for the husband's choice to go on a "last date" with his ex, Eisenberg said that although it was in a moment of doubt, it has now sown seeds of distrust in the marriage—but what comes next could be even more important.
"Silence can be a way to protect oneself, to gather thoughts, and to create space for processing overwhelming emotions," he said. "Eventually, communication will be necessary to begin the process of healing."
He offered several steps for moving forward, including open communication, professional counseling and clear boundaries with the mother-in-law.
"Trust, once broken, can be rebuilt, but it requires honesty, empathy and a commitment from both partners," he said, adding that the wife's feelings should guide her next steps.
"She is not alone in this, and she has the strength within her to navigate this challenge, whether it leads to rebuilding the relationship or choosing a new path," Eisenberg said. "What matters most is that she honors her truth and moves forward in a way that feels right for her."
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